Shamelessly stolen from Fearnley (and Kate):


I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, lough and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird,
And dead: it's said like bed, not bead -
For goodness sake don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there's dose and rose and lose -
Just look them up - and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart -
Come, come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd mastered it when I was five!

(some sources add a final couplet)
And yet to write it, the more I sigh,
I'll not learn how 'til the day I die.

.....


One of the sources gives the following:

The poem...is attributed to T.S.Watt (1954) and appeared in the Guardian...

However, in the following publication it is attributed to Richard Krough,

see: O'Grady, W., Dobrovolsky, W. and Katamba, F.1997.

"Contemporary Linguistics: An Introduction_, London: Longman, p.614"

Has anyone got their MOT due soon? I've had an email for 40% off MOT, but had mine done a couple of months ago and can't think who would be best to send it on to... It's with Nationwide autocentres, so should work all round the UK i think! I've found them quite good anyway...

For the record, these are not recommendations...
____
Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband shopping
This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

I found an old email earlier and had a little giggle, thought i'd share it!


MORE BOOK TITLES The reference last week to the unfortunate title Cooking With Pooh brought in more references to works that should have been run past somebody with a sense of humour before being published. Karl Clarke said that his favourite so far is a medical textbook, Psoriasis At Your Fingertips. Art Scott mentioned Scouts in Bondage, a compendium of odd titles by Michael Bell. Among his selections is How to Recognise Leprosy: A Popular Guide. As I commented in a recent radio interview, I sometimes feel that my Gallimaufry is in this category, since my publisher's dictionaries define the word as "a confused jumble". But my personal favourite is one I saw in Hove library 50 years ago: How to Grow Cut Flowers.

More at worldwidewords.org

I came across a word i didn't know today, so i'm sharing. Anyone else heard this in use much?

Brickbat
n.
1. A piece, especially of brick, used as a weapon or missile.
2. An unfavorable remark; a criticism.

This is me tidying my room.. or doing the usual, getting halfway through the housework and reaching that stage of having to sit down and ignore the surrounding chaos!
Today has been the first day i've managed to do loads of washing and then put them all out to dry on the line. I really should do my washing in increments, but it never seems to happen, it all gets stocked up and then all done at once on Sundays whilst i do washing up, cleaning of the kitchen, bathroom and eventually my room, with a trip to Asda half way through. I could worry about my predictability here, but I think that having some regularity on things isn't actually all that bad. I've even managed to tend to my plants! (They may have needed tending a while ago, but that's not the point!)

On a separate note, I also came across this and thought i'd share it in case this is true for anyone....

If you have a new style driving license be aware that the photo is only valid for 10 years. Late renewals come with a penalty of £1000.
The new style licenses were introduced in 1998 and if you changed your address after this date you will have one.
The expiry date is in section 4b on the front of the license.
DVLA should send you a renewal application pack two months before. If not, you can get a D1 application form from a Post Office or DVLA.

Poking around the net comes up with weird and wonderful things, today it was this, Masdar, the world’s first city that relies entirely on solar and other renewable energy sources. (Wiki's entry)

I think that's quite impressive, if a bit random. Okay, I'm not 100% convinced that it's fully in the spirit, but it's possibly a flagship that people can then pick and choose from for what might work for their towns? Worth a shot to prove that it can be done...

On a separate note, but vaguely connected note, I went to see

Continuing the theme of just posting the random emails that i get..

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to
'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end, and always be my very best
friend.

MAN'S LOVE POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a
golf course, and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn't
rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.